Quick Cuts Presents: THE GREAT TWILIGHT SEND-OFF!
QUICK CUTS: THE GREAT TWILIGHT SEND-OFF!
Featuring Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares, Jenny Orosel, Mark Onspaugh and Paul McMahon
So, here’s this week’s QUICK CUTS question: if you could devise an appropriate send-off for the TWILIGHT series, what would it be?
Our panel responds:
JENNY OROSEL: The whole vampire sparkly family takes a vacation to New York just in time to meet up with the giant tentacled alien from the end of the WATCHMEN comic book. That would be sweet.
MICHAEL ARRUDA: Very sweet!
MARK ONSPAUGH: Anyone directly responsible for the movies and all the die-hard, crying on their vlog, Sparkle-Vamp-worshipping fans would be locked in a warehouse-turned-theater and strapped to “old school” wooden seats. The Twilight series would play round the clock – IV’s of stage blood and popcorn “butter” for sustenance and astronaut diapers all around… The rest of the world would celebrate as every book and DVD is recycled into clean fertilizer to feed a starving world.
MICHAEL ARRUDA: Ouch! But oh-so-appropriate!
PAUL MCMAHON: I’m going to quietly watch the TWILIGHT SAGA sail away. I will celebrate by visiting a large cathedral and lighting a prayer request candle. While it burns, I’m going to kneel and bow my head and say a novena that the Hollywood Gods Who Develop Book Series Into Movie Series seize the opportunity to create an awesome string of kick-ass films based on Jonathan Maberry’s JOE LEDGER books. Anyone want to join me?
MICHAEL ARRUDA: We’ll meet you at the door.
As for me, really, in all seriousness, there is no better send-off than the knowledge that I will never have to sit through one of these movies again. This in itself is a celebration. When I walk out of the theater after the end credits roll, I might even cry, I’ll be so happy!
L.L. SOARES: Don’t go celebrating just yet. I heard a rumor that Stephenie Meyer, creator of the Twilight series, was in discussions to figure out a way to keep the franchise going…More sequels? A spin-off? I have no idea – but you know the studios aren’t going to put this cash cow to pasture any sooner than they have to.
(Pops open a bottle of champagne) So we may not have to say good-bye after all! I know Michael will be so relieved…
MICHAEL ARRUDA (ignores him): Did you say something, LL? I’m having trouble hearing you!
In the meantime, go forth all you moviegoers and do your duty by seeing something else!
Thanks for joining us. Have a good night, everybody!