Cinema Knife Fight Coming Attractions for DECEMBER 2012
Cinema Knife Fight – COMING ATTRACTIONS:
by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares
(THE SCENE: A prairie somewhere in the Deep South. MICHAEL ARRUDA & L.L. SOARES ride in on horses and come to a stop under a tree.)
MICHAEL ARRUDA: Welcome to this month’s COMING ATTRACTIONS column. The column where we preview what movies we’re reviewing for the month.
L.L. SOARES: And we’re riding in on horseback, I reckon, because we’re on our way to Mississippi to review the big movie of the month—and the one I’m most looking forward to—Quentin Tarantino’s DJANGO UNCHAINED.
MA: Which takes place in Mississippi just before the Civil War. But this highly anticipated movie doesn’t open until the end of the month, and so we have a few other movies to review first.
LS: Dang it!
Well, the weekend of December 7th, I’ll be reviewing the movie DEADFALL starring Eric Bana as a criminal on the lam after shooting a cop. It looks like it might be pretty good, but I think it’s in limited release, which means Michael won’t be able to see this one. That’s okay, because I can take the following weekend off.
MA: Yep, the weekend of December 14th, I’ll be reviewing THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY (2012), Peter Jackson’s follow-up to his LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy. I’ll either be reviewing this one solo or with a guest reviewer, as L.L. here will be sitting this one out.
LS: Yeah, I’m allergic to hobbits.
MA: Really? You’re physically allergic to them?
LS: Okay, not really. But I hate ‘em. They’re annoying little bastards.
(Little hobbits run by and toss some cream pies at LS. He ducks out of the way, and the pies hit MA in the face.)
LS (laughing): Sucker!
MA (licking cream off his fingers): It’s okay. I love cream pies.
I also loved Jackson’s LORD OF THE RINGS movies, so I’m looking forward to THE HOBBIT, even though I’m not quite sure I’m ready for a trilogy based on Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit.” I mean, it’s not like “The Hobbit” is an epic 1,000 page book. But THE LORD OF THE RINGS movies were nearly flawless in their attention to detail, and I was thoroughly captivated by all three movies, enjoying the journey into Middle Earth, and I believed it, every step of the way.
LS: Gullible fool.
MA: Ian McKellen returns as Gandalf, reprising the role he played in the three LORD OF THE RINGS movies, and Martin Freeman will be playing Bilbo Baggins. Peter Jackson directs once again, and is also one of the four screenwriters, in a group that includes Guillermo del Toro.
LS: I wasn’t a big fan of the LORD OF THE RINGS s movies. The first one was okay, the second one bored me to death, and I didn’t even bother seeing the third one, so I’m not the best person to review THE HOBBIT, and I’m more than happy to sit this one out.
MA: It’s too bad you missed the third one. It might be the best of the three.
On December 21, we’ll be reviewing JACK REACHER, an action thriller starring Tom Cruise. I’m not really a Tom Cruise fan so I can’t say I’m all that excited about this one. The trailer makes it look like an updated variation of the Dirty Harry movies, and seeing Cruise in this tough guy role is about as convincing as if he were being played by Justin Bieber. Nuff said.
It does have a decent supporting cast though, including Robert Duvall and Richard Jenkins, so at least we’ll have those guys to watch.
It’s written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie, the guy who wrote VALKYRIE (2008) the OK Nazi thriller starring Tom Cruise, and way-back-when he wrote THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995), a film I liked a lot.
LS: I’m actually more excited about this one than you are. I think the trailer for JACK REACHER looks pretty cool. I’m not a big Tom Cruise guy, either, but he’s good at playing these cold-blooded hitman types. I enjoyed COLLATERAL (2004) a lot, for example, where Cruise played a hired killer opposite Jamie Foxx as a cabbie who drives him around.
I’m looking forward to it.
Speaking of Foxx – the movie I’m looking forward to most is Quentin Tarantino’s new one, DJANGO UNCHAINED, coming out on Christmas Day. A new Tarantino movie is always a reason to celebrate, as far as I’m concerned. I love all his movies, and I expect to love this one, too. He delivers the goods.
This time around, Jamie Foxx plays Django, a slave who bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz, who was so terrific in Tarantino’s last film, 2009’s INGLORIOUS BASTERDS) takes under his wing. Django has information about some guys Schultz is hunting down, and in return for his cooperation, Schultz agrees to set Django free and help him find his wife. With Leonardo DiCaprio as an especially sleazy bad guy named Calvin Candie, this one looks like a lot of fun.
MA: Yep, I’m really looking forward to DJANGO UNCHAINED as well. It’ll be fun to see a new Quentin Tarantino movie, and while I’m not the biggest fan of Jamie Foxx, I do like Leonardo DiCaprio a lot, and I also remember really enjoying Waltz’s performance in INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS.
It should be a strong way to finish the month, and—since this is December—the year as well. I think 2012 has been a good year for movies.
LS: Yeah, it’s been pretty good. Speaking of which, don’t forget to look for our BEST OF and WORST OF columns at the end of December, or early on in January. I’m sure both of those lists will be pretty easy to write this time around.
MA: That’s right. And that’s it for now. Thanks for joining us everybody! (to LS) Shall we ride off into the sunset?
LS: Sure (hits the back of MA’s horse, and the animal panics and tears away with MA trying to control it.) (LS smiles) I’m such a basterd.
(Hobbits reappear and throw more cream pies as LS and his horse.)
LS: Now you went and done it. My horse hates cream pies!
(LS and horse chase the little hobbits up the hill in zany fast motion while BENNY HILL music plays. Meanwhile, MA finally slows his horse down just in time to be trampled first by the frightened hobbits and then by LS and his horse.)