By Kelly Laymon

I’m not one to constantly beat the Lady Drum, though I would if I could…as often as possible. I was supposed to be writing a review of 21 AND OVER (which opened on March 1, 2013), but between dealing with moving crap and my wacky laptop that reboots itself whenever it wants and erases my files along the way, I’ve lost more than I’ve written.

While attempting to re-create yet another incarnation of my review of 21 AND OVER, I gave up. And MONSTER-IN-LAW (2005) happened to be on TV on Superstation TBS. What is up with that nonsense? Are women really that obsessed with marriage and being a little princess for one day?

I’m not an always-offended-feminist who gets bent out of shape each time a woman mentions marriage, but when it’s executed so poorly…I have a problem with that. It’s unfunny and cartoonish garbage and, in this case, wastes whatever talent we may remember that Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez have. The only saving grace of MONSTER-IN-LAW is getting to look at Michael Vartan. Anything he has to offer is wasted in this, but he was so charming in the fairly decent NEVER BEEN KISSED (1999).

Michael Vartan in NEVER BEEN KISSED (1999).

Michael Vartan in NEVER BEEN KISSED (1999).

And it’s not the only horrible wedding romantic comedy Jennifer Lopez has given to this world. Jennifer Lopez was in THE WEDDING PLANNER (2001). It’s not Matthew McConaughey’s best work, but it’s also not his worst. Both of those films make me long for the days of OUT OF SIGHT (1998), when Jennifer Lopez was, ya know, actually really good in really good films. And makes me wish that McConaughey would either stick to playing Southern lawyers or, well, sleazy owners of male strip clubs in Florida.

Take that Katherine Heigl train wreck, 27 DRESSES (2008). Katherine Heigl is less than a year older than I am. In 2008, she would have been about 29-30-ish. And she’s been a bridesmaid 27 times? And, judging by one of the only two decent parts of the film where they show the myriad themes of the weddings she’s participated in, they’ve all been since college or so. Between 22 and 29 she’s been a bridesmaid 27 times? My god, I’m almost 34 and haven’t even attended 27 weddings yet, much less been a bridesmaid.

Granted, we have to play along now and then, but…c’mon.

The only wedding film I identify with is THE WEDDING CRASHERS (2005). But maybe I just identify with Owen Wilson’s hair, Vince Vaughn’s snappy talkin’, and gettin’ drunk at a party where it’s all totally cool. But the humor in that film revolved AROUND the weddings, not as much about GETTING married.

Owen Wilson's hair in THE WEDDING CRASHERS (2005).

Owen Wilson’s hair in THE WEDDING CRASHERS (2005).

See ya’ll Cinema Knife Fighters after that BURT WONDERSTONE deal, which I have a feeling I’ll have a lot to say about since I’m a huge magic nerd, a huge Steve Buscemi fan, and a decent Steve Carell fan who admires John Francis Daley. But that one looks like it could go either way. We’ll see!

© Copyright 2013 by Kelly Laymon


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