Archive for the Cable movies Category

GHOUL (2012)

Posted in 2013, Cable movies, Family Secrets, Grave Robbing, Horror, Monsters, Paul McMahon Columns, Supernatural, The Distracted Critic, TV-Movies with tags , , , , , , , on April 3, 2013 by knifefighter

GHOUL (2012)
Review by Paul McMahon, The Distracted Critic

G - poster

GHOUL is a movie I’d been following since I heard it was in production. Brian Keene’s novel remains my favorite work of his, and one of the more effective horror novels I’ve read. The reason Keene’s novel works is because the main horrors do not come from the creature haunting the graveyard, but from the parents who have the responsibility of raising their children in a safe and secure environment. This means, however, that a lot of the novel’s effectiveness comes from internal dialogues and the inner thoughts of the characters, both of which are very difficult to show on screen. As thrilled as I was that someone was finally filming a Brian Keene story, I thought that they couldn’t have picked a tougher story to adapt. Because of this, I went into the movie with high hopes but low expectations.

We start with Timmy (Nolan Gould, from the TV show MODERN FAMILY) digging his comics out from under his bed. As soon as he gets comfortable, his mom calls lights out. It demonstrates that kids are at the mercy of their parents’ rules and whims, setting the tone for the film. The next morning, Timmy watches cartoons while his Dad demands his attention. “The start of summer vacation doesn’t save you from your chores!” Timmy’s grandpa shushes him, pretending that he’s watching TV as well. Frustrated, Dad leaves the room. Grandpa (Barry Corbin, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, 2007) calls Timmy over and asks what he and his friends are planning to do with the underground clubhouse they’re building near the cemetery. Timmy is shocked because they thought nobody knew about it. Grandpa assures him nobody else does.

Later on, Timmy and Grandpa are working in the garden and Timmy’s friend Doug (Jacob Bila) bikes up out of breath, having been chased by a stray dog. Grandpa offers to finish Timmy’s chores and sends him on his way. Doug and Timmy go to Barry’s house, where Barry’s Dad (Dane Rhodes, DJANGO UNCHCAINED, 2012) bullies them, calling Doug a fag and telling him that’s probably why his Dad left. Timmy responds by accusing him of making Barry do his job while he sleeps off last night’s bottle. Barry’s dad forbids them to play near the cemetery again.

Dane Rhodes, as Mr. Smeltzer, terrorizes Timmy and Doug in Brian Keene's GHOUL.

Dane Rhodes, as Mr. Smeltzer, terrorizes Timmy and Doug in Brian Keene’s GHOUL.

Timmy and Doug meet up with Barry (Trevor Harker) and together they head to their clubhouse. They look at Doug’s hand-drawn map of the surrounding area. Suddenly, they hear Timmy’s Mom calling him. She’s frantic, distraught. “It’s your Grandpa, honey, I’m sorry.”

There are a lot of other things going on, and we get quick scenes depicting some of it. Three older kids on bikes, obviously up to no good, are searching the woods for the clubhouse. A pair of lovers making out in the woods are attacked and presumably killed.

After Grandpa’s funeral, Timmy and his friends are in the cemetery when Doug falls waist-deep into a sinkhole. Barry and Timmy pull him out. Barry says the sinkholes are all over the place because of the old mining operations. While Barry goes for the first aid kit, the stray dog appears, charging and barking. Barry grabs a shovel and attacks the dog viciously, cussing it out while he wails on it. The ferocity of his actions shocks Timmy and Doug. Later on, as they help Barry put away the tools, they discover another sinkhole in the caretaker’s shed, covered by a jagged piece of plywood. That night, over dinner, Timmy asks his dad about the stories of the ghoul. His dad tells him the ghoul is the equivalent of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

Steve, one of the three bullies from earlier, spied Timmy and his friends in the shed. That night, Ronnie and Sammie join him and they break into the shed, planning to vandalize what they think is the kids’ clubhouse. They wonder how Timmy and his friends could have shoveled out the maze of tunnels they find, and then Ronnie and Steve continue on, leaving Sammie to stand watch. Predictably, Ronnie and Steve are attacked. Sammie runs back the way they came, arriving at the hole to see Barry’s Dad staring down at her. She pleads with him for help. “You shouldn’t play where you’re not invited,” he says, then pulls the plywood over the hole while she screams.

It’s difficult to distance yourself from a novel as good as GHOUL in order to take a movie adaptation on its own terms. Part of what makes the book so memorable is that it reaches beyond the usual coming-of-age story. These kids are dealing with some heavy-duty subject matter. Doug confesses that his mother comes to him at night and does things to him. Barry’s Dad regularly and brutally beats on him and his mom. From an acting standpoint, staying true to these emotional wallops would tax even the most practiced actors. The three kids in these roles do all they can, and in some scenes they fare pretty well, but in many others they seem disconnected from what’s going on. It felt like they saved their energy for the “big scenes,” which left many of the slower scenes flat.

Nolan Gould, Jacob Bila and Trevor Harker give their all while tasked with monumental acting challenges.

Nolan Gould, Jacob Bila and Trevor Harker give their all while tasked with monumental acting challenges.

The biggest problem I had with the movie is that it didn’t flow as a whole. It felt bumpy, as if I was watching something that had been heavily edited to fit time constraints. You learn to expect that from a made-for-TV movie, but with this one every time I started to get a handle on what was happening, the scene jumped away, plunging me into something else with no transition time.

Changes have been made to the story as well. Timmy’s parents are not what they were on the page. His mother is more prominent and caring, while his dad is in only two scenes and comes off as simply crabby and overworked. The most traumatic scene of the book has been cut entirely from the movie. If you read the book, you know what scene I’m talking about. There was also a major change to the ending, which I understand kept the focus on the humanity of the story, but it’s not a change any fan of the book will embrace.

GHOUL was a bold choice to put before the cameras, but, sadly, I can’t recommend the finished product. Fingers crossed that the upcoming DARK HOLLOW is a stronger film and more worthy of Keene’s name.

I give GHOUL 1 and one half stars, with 2 timeouts.

© Copyright 2013 by Paul McMahon

G - tv spot

Advertisements

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou: WILD WILD PLANET! (1965)

Posted in 2012, Bill's Bizarre Bijou, Cable movies, Clones!, Mutants!, Outer Space, Science Fiction, Strange Cinema, William Carl Articles with tags , , , , , , , on January 19, 2012 by knifefighter

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou

By William D. Carl

This Week’s Feature Presentation:

WILD, WILD PLANET (1965)

“It’s a mod, mod, mod world!”

Welcome to Bill’s Bizarre Bijou, where you’ll discover the strangest films ever made. If there are alien women with too much eye-shadow and miniskirts, if papier-mâché monsters are involved, if your local drive-in insisted this be the last show in their dusk-til-dawn extravaganza, or if it’s just plain unclassifiable—then I’ve seen it and probably loved it.  Now, I’m here to share these little gems with you so you too can stare in disbelief at your television with your mouth dangling open. Trust me, with these flicks, you won’t believe your eyes!

Continuing with my series of reviews of the Italian space opera “Gamma I” series, directed by the great Antonio Margheriti (YOR HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE, 1983; KILLER FISH, 1979; CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE, 1981), I want to take a gander at WILD, WILD PLANET (1965). WWP was made at the same time as SNOW DEVILS (see previous Bill’s Bizarre Bijou), WAR OF THE PLANETS, and Il PIANETA ERRANTE, but it was released in America first to astounded little kids everywhere and their groaning  and grinning parents. It actually comes second in the Gamma I quadrilogy. Confused?  Not as much as you will be after watching this fabulously kitschy movie.

Gamma I, if you recall, is a space station positioned above the Earth, spinning lazily on a wire, but WILD, WILD PLANET starts with various model shots of toy cars in toy cities and toy rockets shooting into space while elevator music mixed with weird Theremin sounds plays in the background and the yellow credits roll. A trio of astronauts climbs from the toy rocket and float gracefully over to Gamma I. Hey, they’re on strings, too!

Inside the twirling station,  a professor conducts bio-experiments concerning living organs and shrunken body parts, most of which are encased in big tubes. Commander Mike Halstead, this time played by Tony Russel (SWORD OF DAMASCUS – 1964 and the voice of Django in the English-dubbed DJANGO, 1966), doesn’t like having such gruesome experiments performed on his ship. He doesn’t want supermen; he’s “satisfied with people the way they are…I’m a person, not a bunch of meat!”  They’re expecting guests, but quite a few of them have mysteriously disappeared.

We are the introduced to the lovely Lt. Connie Gomez, this time played by Lisa Gastoni (MESSALLINA VS. THE SON OF HERCULES, 1964 and WAR OF THE PLANETS,1966), who is teaching a judo class to a large group of people. Two men discussing her say, “She’s a perfect specimen!”  “Specimen?  She’s one hundred percent woman and one hundred percent for our commander.”  Turns out the admirer is Mr. Nurmi from The Corporations. We instantly know he’s bad, because he’s wearing dark sunglasses and black leather coat. He promptly moves in on Connie, dropping sexual innuendos like handkerchiefs until she agrees to go to dinner with him. Nurmi is portrayed by Massimo Serato, star of DON’T LOOK NOW (1973) and AUTOPSY (1975). After he leaves, Lt. Jake (the great Franco Nero, star of the cult classic DJANGO,1966; as well as  CAMELOT, 1967; CONFESSIONS OF A POLICE CAPTAIN, 1971; and ENTER THE NINJA (1981) all the way to last year’s CARS 2!)  tries to schmooze Miss Gomez, and is rebuffed by a judo chop to the belly.

Big hair and bald clones - oh my!

Dinner is held in a room where many inhabitants of the station dance wildly to 60s disco music wearing Technicolor clothing. Mr. Nurmi may be a jerk, but he can cut a rug!  After discovering Lt. Gomez is going to Earth for a vacation, he tries to get her to go with him as a guest of The Corporations. After getting drunk, Connie gives a speech about how women are “obviously different from men,” then she decides to go with Nurmi on his dream vacation.

A letter comes, and Commander Halstead and Jake find out another scientist has gone missing. On Earth, a mob of towering-haired women in flimsy gowns and aqua blue eye shadow are given their orders by an even bigger-haired Amazon and a bald man in black sunglasses and a black rain poncho. They go to a house where an Opie Griffith look-a-like is peering through a microscope. The bald man whips his poncho around the kid and something awful happens beneath it. The kid is shrunk to doll-size and put in a small suitcase!  Soon, other scientists and politicians are similarly diminished and snatched.

Halstead and Gomez arrive on Earth and drive around in a little bubble-car discussing their relationship like characters in a Noel Coward play. Nurmi takes Gomez to a nightclub where people in butterfly costumes pretend to dance around each other badly. Ah, romance among the La Dolce Vita.

Baldie tries to shrink another scientist, which is interrupted by a little girl witness, who screams, “Grandpa!  Grandpa!” and is promptly strangled by one of the big-haired beauties. The scientist, now midget sized, scrambles away on his little legs. The female assassin informs the bald poncho-wearer that he has failed. She stabs him, and he promptly disappears from view. The woman hurries away in one of those cool bubble cars.

Gamma I investigates the disappearances, led by Commander Halstead, the granite-chinned, ever-tanned Tony Russel. When the midget scientist is found in a coma, our heroes discover a bevy of beauties and poncho-wearing men are working for The Corporations (they always say it as if capitalized). And Lt. Gomez is their latest victim!

Tony Russel and Franco Nero to the rescue in WILD WILD PLANET!

When a woman and bald man are spotted at an airport, a plucky cop shoots a ‘red tracer’ on their car so they can be spotted. This tracer is a disc that shoots out pink smoke all over the place, and Commander Halstead follows it, swooping down in his candy-colored spaceship. It’s so slow; you’d think you could walk faster than these guys drive and fly around. Of course, there’s nobody in the escape car when they retrieve it. They do discover a small briefcase with three teeny-tiny people in it, and they’re still breathing.

Gomez is shown around the evil lair of The Corporations, where they clone bald men in sunglasses and wear bright polyester pantsuits during down-time. She discovers a shower that drips blood in her room (ooh!  Can I have one of those?)

Meanwhile, Commander Halstead and his fellow spacemen find one of the bald clones, who, when stripped naked, has four fused-on arms and cat’s eyes!  Somehow, they discover the whereabouts of the Amazons (please don’t ask me how), and the three men invade their hotel room. This leads to a five minute knock-down, drag out fight between three women in see-through nighties and bikinis and stiletto heels, and our Commander and his two best men. They really go after each other, and Halstead shouts, “Watch out for those gadgets on their chests!”  When one gets stabbed by what looks like a comb, she disappears, leaving only the salmon-colored nightie behind her. They discover books left behind with the names of everyone who’s been kidnapped and everyone who will be. Halstead is disappointed to find he is not listed.

And we’re back in the nightclub where 101 Strings are playing, and people dressed like butterflies in capes chase each other, and the audience watches enraptured. I like to think they can’t believe how crappy the entertainment is, but this is an Italian nightclub in the cinema of the 1960s, so that’s kind of a given.

The plot gets more than a little muddled, but it boils down to the evil scientist wanting to meld Connie Gomez with himself, thus creating the first ‘perfect’ human being. His plans are interrupted by Halstead and his space rangers, and they do battle in a huge room full of a blood-like substance. The pool bursts, flooding everything in the red stuff. Funny story; a pipe cracked on the set, and nearby residents in Rome turned on their water taps to find all their water tinged red by the food coloring.  Try explaining that to your local plumber.

Will the good guys triumph over the evil Mr. Nurmi?  Do you even have to ask?

More mod clothing, hair, sunglasses, and furniture than you could throw a Barbarella at, WILD, WILD PLANET is oodles of 60s fun. The music and dancing will have you rolling on the floor, and the toy-like miniature cities and space stations only add to the innocent fun. Not to mention, the plastic toy guns that shoot out a foot of sparks and flames!  Where can I get one?

The movie moves swiftly, much faster than SNOW DEVILS, and there are plenty of whacky actions sequences to keep your attention when you’re not wiping tears of laughter from your eyes. And when was the last time you heard a superior officer call his subordinate ‘Helium Head?’  You also get a cosmic room of mirrors, a basement full of mutants, more stunning women than you can imagine in one movie, and a really nifty performance by an astonishingly good-looking young Franco Nero. The cast as a whole will never win any Oscars, but they all get it. They really roll with the campy silliness of the movie, so the performances actually work.  Any kids (or anyone on mind-altering drugs) are going to fall in love with this flick. Even as an adult, I’d take its immature charms over the big budget sci-fi product Hollywood’s been producing lately.

WILD, WILD PLANET is available on a nicely restored DVD from Warner Brother Archive.

I give WILD, WILD PLANET three midget scientists out of four.

© Copyright 2011 by William D. Carl

BEHIND THE WALL (2008)

Posted in 2010, Cable movies, Cinema Knife Fights, Garbage, Ghost Movies with tags , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: BEHIND THE WALL (2008)
by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

(THE SCENE:  a lighthouse on a rocky cliff, high above the ocean, somewhere in rural Maine. MICHAEL ARRUDA and L.L. SOARES approach.)

MA (to audience):  Welcome!  We’re here today at this haunted lighthouse to review—.

LS:  Are you sure this place is haunted?  It doesn’t look haunted. (Yells) ANYBODY HOME?

MA:  What’s a haunted lighthouse supposed to look like?

(A scream blasts through the air, and a body hurtles down from the top of the lighthouse and lands on the ground with a loud thud.)

MA:  There you go. How about that?  Some poor bastard just got shoved off the top of the lighthouse. Is that haunted enough for you?

TOOTHLESS MAN (groans and sits up):  No, I wasn’t shoved. I slipped. And I’ve been drinking.

MA (to man):  Are you okay?

MAN:  (Hiccups). No. I think my bones are sticking out of my body.

LS:  Tough luck, dude. Don’t be so careless next time. (to MA): What a friggin idiot.

MAN:  Do you think—?

LS:  Sorry. We can’t help you. We have a movie to review. (to MA)  I told you this place wasn’t haunted.

MA:  I don’t know about that. That guy just pulled a cell phone out of his rib cage. Let’s go inside.

(MA and LS enter lighthouse. The inside of the building is empty but messy, as if it had been abandoned.)

LS:  I guess we won’t find any snacks in here.

MA:  Shh!  Did you hear that?

LS:  What?

MA:  Whispering.

WHISPER:  Go away. You’re not wanted here. Besides, the snacks in the cupboard belong to me.

LS:  Why don’t you go away, whoever you are?  You’re annoying!  And get a body while you’re at it! (to MA) If it’s whispering, then why is it so damn loud?

MA (to audience):  As I was saying before, we’re here in this haunted lighthouse to review BEHIND THE WALL (2008), a horror movie now available for free on Fearnet on OnDemand cable.

LS: Yeah, as readers of our COMING ATTRACTIONS column know, we were supposed to review THE TEMPEST this week, but it’s in limited release and wasn’t playing near either of us. What’s with all these movies in limited release? So we’re skipping it.

To make up for it, we decided to review a movie on OnDemand cable. Michael chose this one, which is why it’s so damn lame. Thanks, Michael!

MA: Guilty as charged, I’m afraid.  What can I say? I like lighthouses and I thought this one might be scary.

LS: Whatever. Might as well get this review over with, since we came all the way here.

MA: BEHIND THE WALL opens with a murder. The local police pull a vehicle over and discover the driver and his 10 year-old daughter covered in blood. Apparently, the man, who’s the caretaker at the local lighthouse, had murdered his wife.

The story jumps to 20 years later, as the daughter Kaitlin “Katie” Parks (Lindy Booth) returns to her home town of Henderson Bay, Maine, based on a letter she thought was sent to her by Deputy Mayor Drew Cabot (James Thomas). When she arrives in town, she finds that Drew knows nothing about the letter. He’s also just made a deal with businessman Eric Carrinton (Brad Hodder) to renovate the lighthouse she grew up in, in order to use it to bring in tourist money for the cash-strapped town.

Immediately, this group is opposed by a local priest, Father Hendry (Lawrence Dane), who claims the lighthouse is haunted, and that nothing good can come from it. Of course, no one believes him, and you can’t blame them. Would you believe a priest who goes around calling people “my son” and “my child”?  Cliché!  I’ve yet to hear a priest outside the movies who speaks this way.

LS: Father Hendry is easily the most annoying character in this movie. He’s a jerk! Every time he’s on screen, I was screaming at my TV. I wanted to kick this guy in the ass.

MA: Drew and Eric and their group, including a public relations photographer named Monica (Suzie Pollard), who has the hots for Drew—alas, Drew is not interested in Monica, as he has his eye on Katie— set up shop in the lighthouse. Sounds like AS THE LIGHTHOUSE TURNS.

LS: If this is such a soap opera, then why can’t he just have sex with both of them? Oh I forgot, because there is absolutely no sex in this movie. I thought I was watching a TV-movie on the LIFETIME Channel.

MA: Yes, this did have that LIFETIME feel.  As you would expect, strange things begin to happen. For starters, they hear whispers.

LS: Yeah. LOUD ones.

WHISPER:  If you build it, it will fall apart.

LS:  Shut up already! Damn whisperer. We’re trying to review a movie here! (to MA) I wish that damn ghost would show itself so I can give him a good slap.

MA:  And people start disappearing. Soon afterwards, things get worse as people start dying. Katie discovers an old letter from her grandfather warning of an evil presence in the basement of the lighthouse. —Don’t go into the basement! —too late. The contractors have already opened a sealed door and have unknowingly unleashed the evil hidden inside.

LS: That Kaitlin sure gets a lot of letters. Maybe the Post Office produced this movie!

MA: Katie then teams up with Drew, Eric, and Father Hendry, to solve the mystery of the evil entity hidden behind the wall in the basement. The answer isn’t anything you haven’t heard before.

BEHIND THE WALL is about as compelling as a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t expecting much from this movie, but I certainly hoped I’d be pleasantly surprised. I wasn’t. I’ve seen worse movies than this one, but for a horror movie, this was about as bland as they come.

WHISPER:  White bread. Wonder Bread. Scary!

MA:  No, they’re not, and neither is this movie. The story by screenwriters Michael Bafaro and Anna Singer is your standard ghost story, and director Paul Schneider fails to add any energy to this baby. There’s no atmosphere or energy to be found. The film’s not creepy, not mysterious, and worst of all, it’s not scary. Not even close. The ghost in this one is about as threatening as Boo Berry.

LS: Sorry to break it to you, but a Boo Berry commercial would be scarier than this movie. And don’t be fooled by the DVD cover at the top of this review. It says “By the Writer of POLTERGIEST.” But the truth is Michael Grais, one of four people who worked on the POLTERGIEST screenplay in 1982, only produced BEHIND THE WALL. He didn’t write or direct it.

MA: The story is so standard you’ll be holding a stick shift in your hand instead of a remote.

And there are lots of unanswered questions. For example, I’m not really sure what these people are all doing camping out inside the lighthouse. Think about it. Why are the deputy mayor, the businessman financing the deal, the public relations photographer, and the two contractors spending the night in the lighthouse?  Haven’t they ever heard of a hotel?  And doesn’t the deputy mayor have a house to go home to?

LS: Not a lot about this movie makes sense. Like the victims are covered in blood, but we never see how they’re killed. It would have been nice to get an idea what the ghost is doing to them. Is it just tossing buckets of fake blood on them?

MA: While the movie does eventually explain what the threat is, it doesn’t answer the question, why is it killing people?  Also, some of the dead people show up alive again, as if they’re possessed by the evil entity. How?  This must be some powerful ghost!

LS: Powerfully BORING. I started watching this movie on a Friday night. I fell asleep half-way through, and I had to watch the rest the following morning. Not a ringing endorsement. And we don’t even get to see the ghost until the end, and it’s just some guy made of smoke. Kind of cheesy effect, actually, and not scary one iota. What a complete letdown!

MA: The movie does look good. There’s some fine photography of the lighthouse and surrounding area. But I didn’t choose to watch BEHIND THE WALL for the photography. I wanted to watch a horror movie, not look at a postcard. The lighthouse itself I thought looked rather puny. It was anything but ominous.

LS: The photography isn’t wonderful; it’s just competent. The people who made this movie had a good crew. Too bad the story is sub-par.

MA: The acting wasn’t bad. James Thomas was actually very good as Drew. I thought he created a very likeable character. Lindy Booth was also likeable as Katie, and she was cute too. Brad Hodder was okay as Eric, and Suzie Pollard wasn’t bad as Monica, but the rest of the cast was largely forgettable.

LS: Yeah, the acting by the leads is fine. James Thomas is quite likable. I thought Lindy Booth was very cute too, and she is the ONLY thing that kept me watching this snoozefest. I’d love to see that hot little redhead in a movie that actually is worth watching. It’s certainly not this one. The rest of the cast is so-so. It’s kind of sad seeing Thomas and Booth turn in decent performances in a movie that just doesn’t give them anything to work with.

As for Lawrence Dane as Father Hendry – I have no idea if this guy can actually act, but he certainly doesn’t impress us here. I’m guessing it’s because the writing for his character is absolutely lame, and I really don’t want to put the blame on him. But I really hated this character and I couldn’t wait to see him get killed off.

MA: But the biggest strike against BEHIND THE WALL is that it’s simply not scary at all. There aren’t any memorable scenes, and the murder scenes generate little or no suspense. They’re pretty tepid, there’s no gore, and director Paul Schneider doesn’t even seem interested in giving these scenes an edge.

LS: Like I said, this one screams LIFETIME Channel. It’s just a very safe, very bland little movie that lacks scares, a decent script, or memorable directing. I’ve seen car commercials with more edge.

WHISPER:  I see dead bunnies.

LS: Get bent!

MA: Actually, dead bunnies would have been scarier. To use a food analogy, watching BEHIND THE WALL was like eating LIGHT vanilla ice cream with half the sugar. It’s not that satisfying.

LS: I’d rather eat cardboard than watch this movie again.

MA: BEHIND THE WALL features adequate acting from its main players and some fine photography, but it’s bogged down by a sub-par story, lackluster direction, and a complete lack of mood and scares.

LS: In other words, it stinks. Don’t bother even seeing this one for free. I feel like I was gypped.

MA: I give it TWO KNIVES.

LS: Two knives? What are you, high? You just told everyone how bad it was, and then you give it two knives? Must be because you chose this one and you’re trying to save face.

MA: No, I thought it wasn’t completely awful. Just clichéd and weak.  Plus it didn’t annoy me. For me to give a movie one knife or less, it’s got to be horrible.  This one’s bland and dull, but unlike you, I wasn’t screaming at the TV.

LS: Well, I give it half a knife. It really deserves none. The only reason I give it even half a knife is for Lindy Booth, who was cute as hell and I want to see her in more (and better) movies. But otherwise, this one is a complete waste of time.

MA: There you go, another Cinema Knife Fight comes to a close. See you next time.

LS:  Yeah, and next time I’m picking the movie!

WHISPER:  Don’t go away.  It’s time for me to reveal my true identity.  I’m Batman.

LS:  Batman?  Try Boring Man.  Shut the hell up!  We’re out of here.

MA:  Sorry, Whisperer, but I have to agree.  Don’t quit your day job.

(MA & LS exit.)

WHISPER:  But this is my day job. Maybe I’ll start whispering to horses.

—END—

© Copyright 2010 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

Michael Arruda gave BEHIND THE WALL 2 knives

L.L. Soares gave BEHIND THE WALL half a knife.