Archive for the Musicals Category

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou’s TOP 20 MOVIES OF 2012

Posted in 2012, 2013, Best Of Lists, Bill's Bizarre Bijou, Comedies, Drama, Horror, Musicals, Science Fiction, Superheroes, William Carl Articles with tags , , , , , , on January 3, 2013 by knifefighter

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou


Top 20 Movies of 2012

I hate admitting it, but 2012 turned out to be an exceptional year for film entertainment.  When I made out my list of favorites for the year, I was astounded to find twenty six movies listed, and these were the ones I really, REALLY liked.  So, in all fairness to the year that was, I am making a list of twenty best this year.  Please keep in mind, I have not been able to view everything released.  I still haven’t seen THE MASTER, ZERO DARK THIRTY, PROMISED LAND, and others, but I have seen the films listed below, and they were all terrific in their own way.

And now, counting backwards:

20. THE AVENGERS – A comic book movie done right!  Exciting, funny, if a  bit too long; it was always entertaining.

19. SAVAGES – Oliver Stone brings us a wickedly twisted take on Don Winslow’s great novel and gives Salma Hayek her best role ever as a Mexican drug kingpin.

18. CABIN IN THE WOODS – A hoot and a half for horror lovers, this clever film turned the viewer into an active participant.

17. MAGIC MIKE – Filmed in beautiful pastel hues, this is more than a stripper movie; it’s a rom-com with just the right bit of silliness to combat the sweet.  I hate admitting how good this is or how good Channing Tatum is in the lead.

16. THE RAID: REDEMPTION – Asian action to the tenth degree, this movie was more exciting than a hundred Hollywood blockbusters at a hundredth of the budget.

15. JOHN CARTER – Maligned by critics who never read Edgar Rice Burroughs, this is a faithful, old-fashioned and FUN film that brought out the twelve year old boy in me.

14.THE BAY – I thought I hated found footage films by now, but Barry Levinson made it fresh again with a truly horrifying take on a parasitic outbreak.  It brought immediacy to the drama without making me scream “Put down the damn camera and run!” at the screen.  Best horror film of the year.

Automatik Entertainment

13. PITCH PERFECT – Aca-hilarious!  This does for acappella choirs what BRING IT ON (2000) did for cheerleading.  A funny, wise-assed script, terrific music, and the best use ever for a John Hughes ending.  I loved this even though I knew I shouldn’t.

12. THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS and WRECK IT RALPH– Who expects wit in a cartoon?  These are both full of wit and wonder, beautifully animated, funny, and better than anything Pixar has done in years.

11. THE IMPOSTER– Riveting documentary about a boy who disappeared and the young man who claimed, four years later, to be that missing kid.  Why didn’t the family report him to the police when it is so obvious he wasn’t their son?

10. LIFE OF PI – Easily the most beautiful and transcendent of the top twenty, Ang Lee’s terrifying story of a boy trapped on a life raft with a Bengal Tiger is scary and moving, opening up questions about truth and story-telling.  Every writer should watch this one.


9. LINCOLN – Absorbing historical film with a riveting performance by Daniel Day Lewis.  Some say it is slow moving, but the scenes of Congress battling over the future of slavery are gripping and beautifully written and directed.  Spielberg’s best film since 2005’s MUNICH.

8. BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD – Nobody I know saw this lyrical, gorgeous, fascinating story of a childhood in poverty and the beauty a little girl creates within her fantasy world to block out reality.  Rectify this and watch it now.

7. LOOPER – The best science fiction movie in years.  Thoughtful, well-acted, and intense in ways most thrillers aren’t.  Welcome back to the fold, Bruce Willis. We missed you.

6. MOONRISE KINGDOM – Wes Anderson’s lovely film about childhood and how we want to protect our children from themselves.  It’s also a perfect blend of whimsy and Anderson’s perfect visual compositions.

5. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED – A wonderful comedy that sneaks up on you and remains with you forever.  Snarkiness is rampant, but the heart of this movie is worn on its sleeve, and the ending will make you believe in love and the impossible.


4. DJANGO UNCHAINED – Quentin Tarantino’s homage to Italian Westerns is an incredible piece of work with numerous great performances, terrific music and songs, the best shoot-out since THE WILD BUNCH (1969), and the funniest scene ever involving the KKK.

3. ARGO – Possibly the most entertaining movie of the year with a great script, tight direction, lots of suspense, humor, and John Goodman and Alan Arkin in career bests.  This is crackerjack Hollywood filmmaking, the kind you rarely see anymore, and everything in it works.  Ben Afleck has become one of our best directors.  How the hell did that happen?

2. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK – This is how  you make a crowd pleaser without resorting to mawkishness and pandering.  Two fragile, emotionally disturbed people meet, become friends, and help each other win a dance contest.  Sounds hokey, right?  It isn’t.  This movie is so well acted and directed that I can’t imagine anyone not being moved by it.


1. LES MISERABLES – With all the faults of the stage play, this is still a wondrous experience in a theater.  The actors sang their songs live – something unheard of in movie musicals – with varying results, but the immediacy and emotion this brought out of the score make this the closest we’ll ever get to a live Broadway Show on film.  Plus, someone just engrave Anne Hathaway’s name on the Oscar now.  I was reduced to an emotional puddle by the end, as was the entire audience.



WORST FILM OF THE YEAR – No competition!  BATTLESHIP was everything an action movie shouldn’t be…overblown, overlong, dull, unfunny, badly acted, with the dumbest script I have ever heard.  My mouth hung ajar over this fiasco.  And not in a good, “let’s make fun of it” manner!  This snoozefest blew up everything in its path and still nearly put me to sleep.

Honestly, what a great year!

© Copyright 2013 by William D. Carl



Posted in 2012, Cult Movies, Dystopian Futures, Evil Doctors!, Gore!, Musicals, Peter Dudar Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2012 by knifefighter

REPO!  The Genetic Opera (2008)
A Review By Peter N. Dudar

This review has been a long time coming…

I first read about REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA (2008) in an issue of Rue Morgue Magazine.  I paid particular attention to it as the movie featured actor Bill Moseley (Chop Top from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II, 1986, and more recently, Otis from Rob Zombie’s HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, 2003, and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS, 2005) who happens to be one of my big-screen favorites, but the film came and went here in Maine pretty quickly and I never got to see it.  I hadn’t heard much fanfare about it from friends online, so I let it slip quietly past my radar.

Jump-cut to much earlier this year, when my wife finally talked me into signing up for Netflix streaming video.  It was a cold, late-winter night when I saw the title REPO! on the queue, and finally gave it a chance.  I’m very glad I did.  This film is beautifully fun and grotesque!

I know what you’re thinking…a rock opera?  It immediately brings forth visions of late 70s Andrew Lloyd Weber schlock like JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR or HAIR.  Or perhaps you’re familiar with REPO! already and thinking about the cult blockbuster THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW.   But the fact is that this really does pass for an opera, and one deep-rooted in gore, violence, and the macabre.

REPO! opens in comic book box-panels (a nifty visual narrator for the film), informing us of the dystopian world we are about to enter, where GeneCo has saved the world from an epidemic of organ failures.  Only, GeneCo’s founder, Rottissimo “Rotti” Largo (Paul Sorvino, GOODFELLAS, 1990) has developed a terrible clause in his business ventures that those who fail to make payments on their transplants are subject to having those transplants repossessed.  This notion creates a moralistic fiber that doesn’t seem all that far-fetched in our own world, where cars, homes, and personal belongings are stripped away without hesitation in our dwindling economy.  We’re also introduced to the character of Grave-Robber (Terrance Zdunich, who served as writer, composer, producer, and assistant director on this project, over a ten-year labor of love to bring REPO! to life), who aids in setting the stage for the story we are about to witness.

REPO! concerns seventeen-year-old Shilo Wallace (Alexa Vega, THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL, 2012)—who suffers a rare blood disease handed down from her late mother—and her father, Nathan Wallace (Anthony Head, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, 1997), the Repo Man, who works directly for Rotti Largo to repossess the organs and parts of those who cannot pay their bills.  Nathan is in a precarious situation…he doesn’t want his daughter to know of the terrible, murderous acts he’s responsible for, all the while doing everything he possibly can to protect his sick daughter and keep her safe.  Through song and dialogue, their conflicted relationship is brought out, and the sadness for both characters is extremely palpable.  It feels like the terrible deeds Nathan is doing are totally justified, and that is a very important element to the story.

Meanwhile, Rotti Largo is dying, and his offspring are fighting over who is to take control of GeneCo once the old man is gone.  Luigi Largo (Bill Moseley…see above) believes HE should be the one to take control.  Luigi is a homicidally violent psychopath who feels very strongly that he is the glue that will hold the Largo family together after Rotti passes.  His brother Pavi (Nivek Ogre of the industrial band Skinny Puppy, and actor in movies such as THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL, 2012), an absolute freak who finds fashion in wearing the skins of other people to conceal his own face, believes that HE should take over GeneCo, as he understands the fashion of the day is the latest surgical trend.  Their sister Amber Sweet, (an unrecognizable Paris Hilton, HOUSE OF WAX, 2005), IS addicted to plastic surgery, and is caught in the middle of this power struggle.  The problem is that Rotti already knows that he cannot leave the future of GeneCo in the hands of his progeny.

As REPO! progresses, we see that young Shilo is being torn apart by her ill-fated blood disease and the life of seclusion her father is forcing upon her.  So she ventures out to visit her mother’s grave to find comfort, and instead learns of the terrible secret of the Grave-Robber.  Apparently, the Grave-Robber is digging up past GeneCo subjects and extracting a chemical called Zydrate from their brains.  Zydrate is a euphoric chemical that dulls the senses so that those who are addicted to surgery can have a drug to take the edge off.  And, of course, Amber Sweet is addicted to surgery, and happens to be one of the Grave-Digger’s best customers.  This part of the film happens to be one of my favorites, as Grave-Digger encapsulates in song the terrible pathos of Amber Sweet and those others that keep him busy in his morbid business.

Through more of the comic book-panel box narrative, we learn about what actually happened to Shilo’s mother…how she was originally in love with Rotti Largo, and how Nathan Wallace won her love away from him.  We see just how much the dying Rotti Largo is still in control over Nathan, and how all the while he is scheming to turn Shilo against her dad by offering a cure for her disease, so that one day she might take control of the empire he has built with GeneCo.  And we see the conflict that is going to create among Rotti’s insane children.

We’re also introduced to Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman, a world-renowned soprano who has performed for millions worldwide), who is under contract with GeneCo after they fitted her with a new pair of eyes.  Blind Mag was friends with Shilo’s mother, and was unaware that Shilo made it through childbirth.  As Rotti’s plan to lure Shilo away from her father unfolds, Blind Mag pays a visit to her and Nathan, and tries to stop the inevitable tragedy that is currently shaping up.

At the heart of REPO! is the tragedy that is constantly evolving for poor Shilo.  We have a young girl that wants to live disease-free, and is being torn apart by her love for her father and her desire to be healthy and normal.  And we’re constantly at the mercy of a film with first-rate storytelling, beautifully memorable music, and the empathy we feel for the relationship between father and daughter.

REPO! never falters in delivering some grueling scenes of violence and gore, but it also delivers some first-rate performances (particularly from Sorvino, Brightman, and believe-it-or-not, Paris Hilton), breathtaking cinematography, and an absolutely brilliant soundtrack from writers Zdunich and Darren Smith—all beautifully directed by Darren Lynn Bousman.  As a fan of horror films and lover of musicals, I have to give REPO!  The Genetic Opera four knives.  I highly recommend this film, and hope you will add it to your Halloween movie marathon.

© Copyright 2012 by Peter N. Dudar

Peter Dudar gives REPO! The Genetic Opera ~four knives.


Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 2012, Apocalyptic Films, Deformed Freaks!, Demons, Evil Puppets!, Fantasy Films, Fun Stuff!, Just Plain Bad, Just Plain Fun, Just Plain Weird, Kids Movies, Musicals, Mutants!, Peter Dudar Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2012 by knifefighter


A Satirical Lesson in Writing and the Dangers of Drug Use

 By Peter N. Dudar

With Help From Vivian (age 5)

Vivian:  Daddy…Daddy, wake up. You promised we could have fun today.

Peter:  Gimme a few more minutes, honey. Daddy is still tired.

Vivian:  Now, Daddy!  You said we could go see THE OOGIELOVES today. C’mon, get up!

Peter:  What the hell are THE OOGIELOVES?

(Vivian throws the covers off her dad and drags him out of bed. Daddy chugs down a cup of coffee and then herds the family off to the car to go see the new Matthew Diamond film, THE OOGIELOVES in THE BIG BALLOON ADVENTURE.)

Peter:  You know, I don’t remember promising this. In fact, today was the day I wanted to talk to you about something very important. I wanted to talk to you about the dangers of drug use.

Vivian:  What are drugs?

Peter:  I’m glad you asked. Drugs are substances used to alter the physical and mental faculties of the human body. For instance…how do you feel right now?

Vivian:  I’m really excited. I can’t wait to see this movie.

Peter:  Now, you see…grown-ups don’t ever feel that kind of excitement ever, ever, ever. Some adults need a little help to feel that kind of enthusiasm. They need stimulants to maintain that kind of high. I can see by the way you’re shifting around in your car-seat that you’re pretty jacked up. Cokeheads look the same way after they’ve done a few lines. Seeing YOU doing it almost scares me a little. Looks like I’ll just have to grit my teeth and ride this one out. What is this movie about, anyway?

Vivian:  It’s the Big Balloon Adventure. It’s Schluufy the Pillow’s birthday, and the Oogieloves have to throw a party for her, but the balloons get all lost and stuff, and they have to rescue the balloons.

Peter:  Wait, back up a second. They’re throwing a party for a pillow?

Vivian:  Yeah, this is gonna be so great!

Peter:  Sounds like the guy who made this movie is on drugs.

(They get to the theater and take their seats. The movie begins, and the Oogieloves come out and explain what we’re about to see. Apparently, this is an interactive movie, and they will cue us for when we are supposed to get out of our seats and dance).

Vivian:  Okay, Daddy?  When we see the butterflies, we’re supposed to jump up and dance.

Peter:  This is such a drag. THE POSSESSION is playing in the theater right next door. Are you sure you don’t want to get up and go sneak in?

Vivian:  I want to watch THIS movie!

(In the film, the Oogieloves are beginning their day. J. Edgar, the vacuum cleaner, is some type of adult/authority figure. He’s gone off to get five magic balloons for Schluufy. On the way home, the vacuum accidentally lets the balloons float away. He gets back to the stately Oogielove Manor and tells the three grown-up sized kid puppets of his mishap, so they swear by Odin’s hammer that they will retrieve all five balloons. Okay, I made that last part up.)

Vivian:  This is so amazing…I love the music and the colors.

Peter:  Yes…this brings us to narcotics and hallucinogens. The natural state of euphoria you’re experiencing is akin to an adult dropping some acid or ingesting some psychedelic shrooms. You may even feel like getting up and dancing. There are other types of drugs…ecstasy, for example, that will make a person lose their inhibitions and just trance out to the music. Those drugs are all very dangerous, and you should never, ever touch them. But here in the theater, it’s groovy. Get up and shake that thing. Daddy’s just gonna sit here and munch on some popcorn.

(The movie continues. Goobie—the genius of the group, Zoozie—the playful sister, and Toofie—the jokester whose pants always seem to fall down at awkward moments, begin their quest for the balloons. They are aided by Windy Window-a magic pane of glass with a hot southern accent, and J. Edgar-the vacuum. Schluufy the Pillow remains sleeping on the couch).

Vivian:  Daddy, how come Schluufy never wakes up?

Peter:  Well, honey…Schluufy is a metaphor.

Vivian:  What’s a metaphor?

Peter:  It’s a tool writers use to draw a comparison between fiction and reality. I believe that Schluufy, there, is supposed to symbolize crack babies. See how she lays there like a vegetable?  No arms and legs or anything, but still sleeps peacefully with that big, goofy smile?  Crack babies are infants that are addicted to drugs because their mommies were users during pregnancy. They do that all day long. That’s why the Oogieloves want to throw a big party for her. They feel bad that she’s so messed up, so they want to be really, really nice to her. Maybe the magic balloons they are off to rescue will restore her brain capacity or give her new legs or something?

Vivian:  I still don’t understand.

Peter:  Neither do I. Somebody was obviously tripping when they sat down and wrote this.

(The Oogieloves find the first balloon at the top of a tree. The tree boasts a tree house in the shape of a giant teapot. Inside are Dottie (an ancient-looking Cloris Leachman) and her niece, Jubilee (Kylie O’Brien). They go into this whole dance number that gets Vivian out of her seat to dance. Daddy yawns and checks his watch. The song ends, and then Toofie climbs the tree and recovers the first balloon. When he gets to the ground, his pants fall down. Vivian howls in laughter).

Vivian:  Did you see that, Daddy?  That was so funny!

“Goofy Toofie, Pull Up Your Pants!”

Peter:  Yeah. Hysterical. Which brings us to marijuana. Marijuana, or reefer, contains an active ingredient called THC, which messes with the doohickeys in your brain and makes everything funny as hell. The hilarity you find in Toofie’s pants falling down is childish and stupid. Marijuana makes childish, stupid things seem really, really funny to adults. And it gives you the munchies. Speaking of which, I kinda wish we had some Girl Scout cookies. Ain’t you old enough to be a Girl Scout yet?

Vivian:  Shhh…I’m watching the movie.

(The movie continues, and the Oogieloves find themselves in Milky Marvin’s Milkshake Manor. The Oogieloves get caught in a milkshake-drinking contest to win back the second missing balloon. Marvin Milkshake (Chazz Palminteri begins another dance number that is actually the best song in the film. Sadly, I’ve already forgotten how it goes. The Oogieloves’ fish, Ruffy, wins the drink-off, and they escape with the second balloon.)

Vivian:  I’m having so much fun. I wish this would never end!

Peter:  That sounds like the cry of a heroin junkie. Now, that’s some heavy-duty stuff that you don’t want to mess with. Junkies are the lowest. It’s like throwing all your pride and your hope away. Remember that commercial where the girl breaks an egg open into a hot pan and tells us it’s our brain on heroin?  Plus, sharing needles can lead to some really bad blood-diseases. You’ll end up like brainless Schluufy, drooling all over yourself. Do you want that?

Vivian:  No, Daddy.

Peter:  That’s my good girl.

(The movie continues. The Oogieloves find the third balloon in an airplane hangar where Rosalie Rosebud (Toni Braxton) is ready to embark on her next world-tour. Rosalie is a self-centered diva who trips on her popularity and is addicted to roses, which ironically make her sneeze uncontrollably. She, too, breaks into a dance number, and I really hate this song. But Viv loves it, so I get up for the first time and dance with my daughter. There is only one other family in the theater, and they, too, are up and dancing. Goobie somehow rescues the balloon and the Oogieloves move on.)

Vivian:  She really loved her flowers.

Peter:  Yes, and that’s called addictive personality disorder. It’s a metaphor for alcohol. Now, alcohol is a depressant. It numbs the senses and makes you a little tired. Rosalie needs her roses to help cheer her up, but, because of her allergies, it’s really bringing her down and destroying her life. You dig?

Vivian:  You’re so weird, Daddy.

(The movie continues. Next, they track down the fourth balloon stuck at the top of an 18-wheeler belonging to Bobby Wobbly the Bubble-Blowing Cowboy (played by an unrecognizable Carey Elwes). Bobby Wobbly freakin’ loves bubbles, but he doesn’t understand why people just aren’t into bubbles anymore. Vivian disagrees vehemently and vocally as I just shake my head. There’s no end to this movie. They launch into ANOTHER song and dance, and I get up and join Viv again. It’s either that or fall asleep. This movie is assaulting all my senses, and I’m wishing the  movie projector would fall apart or something…)

(After this escapade, the Oogieloves track down the final balloon stuck at the top of a windmill. But the Oogieloves can’t cross the grassy field by foot. Instead, they have to ride to it in a giant sombrero piloted by Lero and Lola Sombrero (Christopher Lloyd and Jaime Pressly). In order to get the giant sombrero to hover across the field, everybody has to dance really, really fast. I’m bummed at watching the great Christopher Lloyd reduced to a one-line cameo and beating on bongos while Lola shakes and dances across the screen. Eventually, they rescue the final balloon, and then it’s back off to Oogieloves Manor for the party.)

Vivian:  They did it…they rescued all the magic balloons!

Peter:  Big duh!  What did you think would happen?

The Oogieloves. A children’s dream come true, or an adult’s worst nightmare?

Vivian:  Now they can have the party for Schluufy. I’m so happy.

(They wake up Schluufy the Pillow, and sure enough, the damn thing can’t do more than mumble incoherently and coo a lot. But she feels loved and looks happy. The Oogieloves rock out to one last dance number, and then, finally, the film is over.)

Vivian:  Did you like the movie, Daddy?

Peter:  I found it to be derivative.

Vivian:  What does that mean?

Peter:  It means that the screenwriter borrowed liberally from other sources. It’s obvious that they stole ideas and concepts from Sesame Street, Pee Wee’s Playhouse, The Teletubbies (and to little surprise, creator Kenn Viselman, actually has production ties to the Teletubbies), and Yo Gabba Gabba. But I did have fun watching YOU have fun, and that, to me, makes the last hour and a half all worthwhile. Did you like it?

Vivian:  I loved it. But I’m sad now that it’s over.

Peter:  And THAT, dear one, is called coming down. It’s a bummer. We had so much fun and excitement, but it all has to come to an end. But at least we’re not slumped over a toilet bowl and yarking our brains out, so bonus for us!

Vivian:  I don’t understand.

Peter:  I don’t, either. But let’s just be glad it’s over. How many stars would you give this movie?

Vivian:  I give it a hundred zillion, million, billion stars, all the way around the earth and back.

Peter:  I give it two. I’m going back to bed now. I have to work tonight.

Vivian:  Thank you, Daddy. I love you.

Peter:  I love you, too. And remember…drugs are bad. Just say ‘NO’.

The End

© Copyright 2012 by Peter N. Dudar

THE OOGIELOVES. A sure sign that the End Times are comin’

CKF Monstrous Question: MONSTER MOVIE MUSICALS (Part 3 of 3)

Posted in 2012, LL Soares Reviews, Mad Doctors!, Mark Onspaugh Columns, Monsters, Monstrous Question, Musicals with tags , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by knifefighter

MONSTROUS QUESTION:  Monster Movie Musicals
With Michael Arruda, Nick Cato, Paul McMahon, and Mark Onspaugh
Part 3 of 3



MICHAEL ARRUDA:  And now here is our final answer to this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION: Which horror or sci-fi movie would you like turned into a musical?


MARK ONSPAUGH:  Here’s mine:


Music by Bernard Herrmann & Howard Shore

Lyrics by Forrest J. Ackerman & Sir Elton John

At the annual meeting of the Society of Mad Scientists and Doctors, chaos and hilarity ensue when several doctors collaborate on building Eliza (the “perfect” girl) and they all fall for her, to the chagrin of their creations and hunchbacked assistants.

The big, lavish and deranged production that will have you tapping your misshapen appendages to these hit numbers:

Andre Delambre sings “If I Were a Fly on the Wall” and “Kiss Me, Don’t Swat Me”

Andre Delambre sings “If I Were a Fly on the Wall.”

Victor Frankenstein sings “He’s Got Her Heart, but I’ve Got Her Pancreas”

Teenage Frankenstein & Werewolf sing “Pubescent and Present” and “A-C-N-E”

Anton Phibes & Peyton Westlake sing “I Like Your Face” and “Ow, Ow, Ow”

Dr. Phibes accompanies the singers on the organ.

Alexander Thorkel sings “Call Me ‘Mister Big'” and “Got a Big Crush on My Little Girl”

Fritz, Igor and Renfield sing “I Got a Hunch He’s Falling in Love” and “Yes, Master”

Eliza sings “Parts of Me Love Him, Parts of Me Love Someone Else” and “(Screams)”

Gerald Deemer & Andre Delambre sing “Web of Lies” and “She Says Two Legs is Enough”

Victor Frankenstein sings “He’s Got Her Heart, but I’ve Got Her Pancreas.”

The entire company sings, “Got Me in Stitches,” “My Love Went to Pieces at the Buffet,”  “Candlelight, Good – Torch Light, Bad” and “I Can’t Stay Mad Playing Doctor with You”

Held over, one week at Big Boy Dinner Theater in Oxide, Nevada and Stuckey’s Roadside Praline Emporium and Theater-in-the-Swamp in Mustyodor, Georgia


 MICHAEL ARRUDA:  There you have it.  Thanks everyone for joining us for this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION.  We’ll see you next time, here at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT!



Answer © Copyright 2012 by Mark Onspaugh

CKF Monstrous Question: MONSTER MOVIE MUSICALS (Part 2 of 3)

Posted in 2012, Monstrous Question, Musicals, Paul McMahon Columns with tags , , , , on August 18, 2012 by knifefighter

MONSTROUS QUESTION:  Monster Movie Musicals
With Michael Arruda, Nick Cato, Paul McMahon, and Mark Onspaugh
Part 2 of 3

“Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a pocket full of sun!”

MICHAEL ARRUDA:  We continue with another answer to this month’s Monstrous Question:  Which horror or sci-fi movie would you like turned into a musical? 

PAUL MCMAHON: I wrote a treatment for an entire musical.  I may have taken this too far.

ARRUDA:  Nah!  Go for it!

PAUL MCMAHON:  Okay, here goes!

“Get on stage! It’s time for your song!”


A full-blown major Broadway Musical, featuring the same makeup technology that made CATS such a financial success!

Summary/ Musical Numbers

ACT I, Scene 1

-In darkness, a voice-over calls an SOS, the Lady Vain is going down. Curtains open on Edward Prendick, who is rescued in a lifeboat and believed dead, but is revived.

Prendick Lives!…..Performers:Prendick, Montgomery and M’ling

-Noise from Montgomery’s cages are driving the sailors mad. When Prendick interferes on Montgomery’s behalf, he is cast out with Montgomery at The Island of Screams

Begone, You Beast…..Performers: Ship’s Captain, Montgomery, Prendick, M’ling and Men’s Ensemble

-Montgomery tells Prendick of the island as they approach the compound. In the forest, strange hidden things watch them.

The Brilliant Dr. Moreau….. Performers: Montgomery and Prendick

-In the laboratory, Dr. Moreau experiments on a puma.

What Makes A Man?…..Performed by Dr. Moreau

-Prendick, alerted by the creature’s cries, flees into the forest and discovers a group of hog-like people. He runs and is chased by something he can’t see.

Monsters, Creatures, Inhuman Beasts!….. Performed by Prendick

-Back at the compound, Prendick questions Montgomery who deflects and avoids all questions, being half drunk.

What Is This Place?….. Performers: Prendick and Montgomery

ACT I, Scene 2

The next morning.

– Prendick enters the laboratory and discovers Puma-Man, covered in bandages. He offers water, but Moreau appears, slapping the cup away and calling for Montgomery.

Can I Help You?….. Prendick, Puma-Man, Moreau

-Prendick believes Moreau is turning humans into animals and vows not to be next.

It Will Never Be Me….. Prendick

-Prendick is captured by men who resemble animals. They inform him of the island’s laws, which includes a daily worship of Moreau.

The Law….. Sayer of the Law, Ape-Man, Hyena-Man, Animal Ensemble

-Moreau arrives and Prendick escapes. Prendick decides to drown himself, but is interrupted by Moreau, who explains that the creatures used to be animals and assures him that the pain he inflicts is insignificant to the final outcome.

Not The Man You Think Me….. Prendick, Moreau, Animal Ensemble

**There will be a fifteen minute intermission.**


The Sayer of the Law also likes to sing a few tunes!


A week later

-Montgomery and Prendick discover a half-eaten rabbit, which breaks The Law. They alert Moreau, who calls an assembly and accuses Leopard-Man, who flees.

The Law Is Broken….. Performers: Montgomery, Moreau, Sayer of the Law, Leopard-Man and Animal Ensemble

-Prendick corners the Leopard-Man, who insists Moreau will perform more agonizing experiments on him. With Moreau closing in, Leopard-Man attacks and Prendick shoots him dead. With his last breath, Leopard-Man thanks him.

Not The Man You Think Him….. Performers: Prendick, Leopard-Man, Moreau and Montgomery

-Prendick confides to Montgomery’s manservant, M’ling, his belief that Leopard-Man acted with Hyena-Man, who chased him through the forest his first week. Moreau overhears and dismisses Prendick’s ideas, calling him a fool.

He Did Not Act Alone….. Performers: Prendick, M’ling and Moreau

ACT II, Scene 2

A week later

-In the lab the mostly finished Puma-Man escapes and is chased through the forest by Moreau. Prendick arrives in time to witness as the two kill each other.

Dr. Moreau practices for his big singing debut!

I Gave You Everything/ You Gave Me Nothing….. Performers: Moreau, Puma-Man and Prendick

-Prendick tries to convince Montgomery to leave the island, but the beasts attack, led by Hyena-Man. Montgomery appeases them by giving over his whiskey, but they kill him anyway. Prendick escapes, knocking over a lamp that sets the compound ablaze.

The Law Is Dead….. Performers: Prendick, Montgomery, M’ling, Sayer of the Law, Hyena-Man, and Animal Ensemble

-In the aftermath of the fire, Prendick learns Montgomery has destroyed every boat and radio on the island. He discovers a frightened M’ling following him to warn him that the animals are coming. M’ling kills Hyena-Man and is mortally wounded.

Am I The Man I Think Me?….. Performers: Prendick, M’ling, Hyena-Man and Animal Ensemble

ACT II, Scene 3

A week later

-Prendick survives in a lean-to on the beach. Animals approach and retreat, returning to their natural state. A boat drifts ashore with two bodies in it, one of them the Ship Captain that marooned him in Act I Scene 1. He waves to the animals along the shore as he leaves, and only M’ling waves back.

What Luck, What Fortune…..Performed by Prendick

-Prendick, back in London, tells his story and is laughed at and scorned. He feigns amnesia to keep from being committed, and vows seclusion for the rest of his life.

What Makes A Man? (reprise)….. Performers: Prendick and  Human Ensemble



MICHAEL ARRUDA:  Thanks, Paul, for that very detailed treatment.  Join us next time for Part 3, the final installment to this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION, when MARK ONSPAUGH gives his take on the monster movie musical!

 —END Part 2—

 Answer © Copyright 2012 by Paul McMahon

CKF Monstrous Question: MONSTER MOVIE MUSICALS! (Part 1 of 3)

Posted in 2012, Michael Arruda Reviews, Monsters, Monstrous Question, Musicals, Nick Cato Reviews with tags , , , , , , on August 17, 2012 by knifefighter

MONSTROUS QUESTION:  Monster Movie Musicals
With Michael Arruda, Nick Cato, Paul McMahon, and Mark Onspaugh

Figaro! Figaro!

MICHAEL ARRUDA:   Welcome everyone to this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION column.  This month’s question comes courtesy of Mark Onspaugh.

Take it away, Mark.

MARK: Thanks, Michael.  I just saw that Paul Williams is clean and sober and back to making music (I had thought he was dead) —anyway, you may remember he was behind the music of Brian de Palma’s great riff on PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (1974).

I thought it might be fun for people to pick horror or sci-fi movies to be turned into musicals, maybe name a song or two and (if they want) performers and/or composer/lyricist.

MICHAEL ARRUDA:  So, there you have it.  Today’s Monstrous Question:  Which horror or sci-fi movie would you like turned into a musical?

NICK CATO:  Perhaps to alleviate some tension and add even more controversy, the forthcoming THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3: FINAL SEQUENCE should add some musical numbers, including updated versions of ‘STUCK ON YOU’ from the now defunct Seattle punk band The Briefs, ‘RIP IT OUT’ by Ace Frehley, and the conga-line classic ‘HOT HOT HOT’ by Buster Poindexter.

Singing in the shower with the HUMAN CENTIPEDE!


MICHAEL ARRUDA:  I’m going with three classics.

First, John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN (1978).  It would feature the following songs:

-“My Sister Just Bopped Her Boyfriend For the Last Time”

-“The Boogeyman Boogie.”

-“Stroke Me Laurie Strode”

-“Is There A Man Behind that Mask?”

-“Let’s Do What We’re Not Supposed To Do (The Babysitters’ Ballad)”

More singing in the shower – this time with NORMAN BATES!

Alfred Hitchcok’s PSYCHO (1960),and believe it or not, the musical version would be darker than the movie!  Here are some of the songs:

-Who’s That Lurking Outside My Shower Curtain?

-A Boy’s Best Friend Is His Mother (a love song)

-Am I a Man or a Mother?

-I’ll Carry You to Any Fruit Cellar

-Blood, Mother, Blood!

-Gotta Clean This Shower: The Body Wrap Rap

“I’m so nervous about signing for the first time!”

And last but not least, the original FRANKENSTEIN (1931).

Featuring such show stoppers as Henry Frankenstein’s:

It’s Alive!

-Now I Know What It Feels Like to be God!

-Put That Torch Away Fritz Before the Monster Grabs You

Fritz solos such as:

-Don’t Blame Me for Grabbing the Wrong Brain I Can’t Read!


-No One Ever Told Me Abnormal Was Bad

Songs by the Monster, including:

-Little Girl, Why Are You Crying?

-Why Is Everybody Always Screaming At Me?

-Invite Me to the Wedding – I’d Like to Kill the Bride

And other soon to be classics like:

-My Little Maria’s Dead, and Someone’s Gonna Pay!

-Waltzing to the Windmill

And the mega-dance number,

-Don’t Do It Fritz, Don’t Drop that Jar!

Join us next time for more answers to the Monstrous Question, and you won’t want to miss it, as Paul McMahon writes an entire treatment to a musical based on THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU!


Answers © Copyright 2012 by Michael Arruda and Nick Cato