Archive for the Teen Sex Comedies Category

Suburban Grindhouse Memories: SPRING BREAK (1983)

Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 2013, 80s Movies, Comedies, Drive-in Movies, Grindhouse Goodies, Nick Cato Reviews, Sex Comedies, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Teen Sex Comedies with tags , , , , on January 10, 2013 by knifefighter

Suburban Grindhouse Memories No. 59:
The ULTIMATE Party Flick
By Nick Cato


March, 1983. President Reagan refers to the Soviet Union as an “Evil Empire.” A transit strike cuts off train service for 70,000 New Jersey commuters. Pope John Paul II begins an eight-day, eight-nation tour of Central America. And here on Staten Island, my friends and I went to the opening night premiere of SPRING BREAK, a FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH / PORKY’S-like teen comedy that features more beer-guzzling, wet T-shirt contests, and bad jokes than any other film in existence. We may not have been politically conscience at the time, but at least we had our priorities straight.

Directed by Sean (FRIDAY THE 13th) Cunningham, SPRING BREAK was another in a long line of early 80s teen comedies, and while it’s not all too funny, it is remarkably entertaining (at least if you’re a high school freshman, as I was upon this initial viewing).

Nerdy buddies Adam and Nelson rent a room in a party-motel in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. But just as they’re settling in, two cool dudes (Stu and O.T.) show up and claim they had already booked the same room. Figuring it’d be easier to score chicks with two cool guys as roommates, Adam and Nelson agree to let them crash there. The first time we see O.T., he enters the motel and chugs a large bottle of Miller like it’s spring water as bikini-clad babes run around looking for their rooms. He’s a big, shirtless dude with a goofy headband, on a mission to party like it’s the end of the world…and along with Stu, his mission is accomplished less than twenty minutes into the film.

During the first night with their new roommates, Adam and Nelson watch from the corner of the bedroom as Stu and O.T. shag two Playboy model-looking girls. It’s a private lesson neither one of them will ever forget, and their spring break is off to a rockin’ start.

BUT (cue villain music)…not wanting his stepson to have any freedom (or give his political career a bad name), Nelson’s stepdad shows up to try and stop the fun. His right-hand doofus henchman, Eddie (played by legendary character actor Richard B. Shull) is also some kind of building inspector who attempts to shut the motel down, but of course is thwarted every step of the way by Stu and O.T. via cases of Miller beer and inflatable sharks(!).

SPRING BREAK is a silly film that was created for no other reason than to make money off teenage boys (::raises hand::). It suffers from some lame acting, a terrible script, and basically exists to show off some of the hottest bikini babes the producers could find (they did quite good). Among them is a fictional all-girl “rock” band called HOT DATE that performs a song unsubtly titled “I Wanna Do It To You.” O.T. even falls head-over-heels in love with their singer (played by gorgeous former Penthouse Pet of the Year Corinne Alphen) and doesn’t care if he has to let his coolness factor down to try and get her. Also on hand (besides the fantasy girls) is the cute, all-American girl next door Susie (played by ‘Seventeen’ magazine cover model and then-future TV star Jayne Modean) who eventually hooks up with Nelson and “turns him into a man.”

In one scene (to show how these two-pairs of unlikely friends are all now true buds), the four of them take a drunken leak into the toilet at the same time. It’s more heartwarming than you’d expect! Another is when the foursome goes to buy pot off some older freaky Latino hippie who lives in a van. It’s probably the funniest scene in the film (although that’s not saying much).

I’m pretty sure Miller Beer had something to do with the production: not only is it chugged and product-placed all over the screen, but it’s used to wet down the participants of countless wet T-shirt contests and poured over everyone else’s head (apparently in Ft. Lauderdale you’re supposed to wear your beer before you drink it). At least this is what I took away from the film, besides the idea that having cooler guys than yourself as roommates can get you laid easier.

The soundtrack features Cheap Trick and .38 Special’s hit song ‘Caught up in You,’ which is used during a rather frustrating sequence (Nelson gets lost after he attempts to get back to Susie’s room after he runs out to grab a can of Coke!). And even though Hot Date’s song is terrible, the band is easy on the eyes, so we’ll let their lack of musical ability slide…

Perhaps this film was the inspiration for those GIRLS GONE WILD videos that ruled late night infomercials in the early 2000s? Or maybe even a vehicle to try and popularize the infamous sport of belly-dive competitions? Or maybe SPRING BREAK issimplya standard to the coming-of-age, nerds-lose-virginity, party-animal films of the 80s done the right way. Sure, it’s a mindless exploitation film, but the characters are a lot of fun (especially the motel’s manager Geri, who will remind you of your cool elderly aunt) and it’s a great way to forget both the dreary winter months and adulthood: use it to get away to a much more fun time and place, even if it’s for just 90 minutes.

Judging by the laughs and applause from the crowd I watched this with, everyone had a blast. SPRING BREAK is probably the best way to vicariously enjoy spring break if you’ve never made it down there or can’t afford to do so.

An extras-free DVD was finally released in 2009, so if you’re curious, check your brain at the door, kick back, crack open a Miller, and enjoy the fun. You also might want to have a towel handy to dry all that beer off your head.

(BEST SCENE: O.T. doing a drunken belly-flop from the top of a tall palm tree as an equally drunken crowd cheers him on!)

© Copyright 2013 by Nick Cato

Our four party animals (Nelson, O.T., Stu, and Adam) in a publicity shot for SPRING BREAK.

Our four party animals (Nelson, O.T., Stu, and Adam) in a publicity shot for SPRING BREAK.


Suburban Grindhouse Memories: PREPPIES!

Posted in 2010, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Teen Sex Comedies with tags , , , , on July 22, 2010 by knifefighter

Suburban Grindhouse Memories # 9 – PREPPING FOR FAILURE!
By Nick Cato

Although this is my eighth column for, it’s my first where I’m truly relying on my MEMORY to get things going (because, there’s just NO WAY I’m sitting through this thing again).

1984: Just a year after the third PORKY’s film, it seemed there was still a market for the teen sex comedy.  Films such as FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH and lesser known gems such as H.O.T.S. and SPRING BREAK had whet teenage boys’ appetites (and pants) for such film fare.  Needless to say, when I spotted the ad for PREPPIES on a Friday in my local paper (see pic above), calls were made and a small crew got together to hit the Amboy Twin Cinema (yes, yet another now-defunct theater here on Toxic Staten Island that always let the underage into R-rated features).

Despite being directed by Chuck Vincent (a semi-famous porn director) and being co-produced by the Playboy Channel, PREPPIES features little nudity and almost no sex (hence stretching it’s inclusion into the “teen sex comedy” genre).  There’s a couple of topless scenes thrown in to grant it its R rating, but when it comes to a COMEDY, you need more than a few jiggling can cans: you need humor.

PREPPIES doesn’t have much.

The plot actually had potential for a laugh-fest: Three college friends need to pass an exam or they’ll be expelled.  Their girlfriends are hoping they pass so they’ll become doctors/lawyers (talk about a couple of self-service dates!).  There’s also a mention that one (or all) of these guys are set to inherit a lot of moolah.  Things get silly (or at least they try to be) when someone hires a group of girls to go into the college and distract our sophomoric heroes from passing their final exam.  Oh yes…this is gonna be classic…

…Ummm, no.  Sure, the set up WAS there.  PREPPIES has the genuine feel of a fun summer-time T&A comedy, but due to the non-acting skills of the ENTIRE cast (along with a horrible script), the film only gets off the ground for a scene or two.

In one instance, one of our henpecked protagonists is humiliated by his rich girlfriend; she makes him kiss her butt and feet through a glass door.  It’s the only time I remember the audience laughing, but I actually felt bad for the guy (and not only because I have an ANTI-foot fetish).  I think even back then I was wondering how this schmuck would feel 20 years from now if his kids saw this.  What would he say to them?  Would he try to destroy copies of the film when it came to VHS (this was still at a time when digital video discs and MP3’s were a long way off)?  Would he somehow try to deny that was really him on the screen?

Did I really just put that much thought into this STUPID film?

Anyway, PREPPIES tried to cash in on the (then) trend of teen sex comedies, but failed miserably.  When a flick that includes a bondage-S&M antagonist with a machine gun, and tons of cute girls dancing to generic 80s music, fails to deliver, it’s safe to say the teen sex comedy has jumped the shark.

Thankfully, a few years later, SUMMER SCHOOL (while not a sex comedy) came back to give the summer comedy a much needed re-boot.

PREPPIES is strictly for lovers of bad acting and wasted boobies.  And even then, you’re taking a chance.  I think I’m gonna go rent a copy of a GOOD summer T&A flick, SPRING BREAK (1983), just to get the memory of PREPPIES out of my head…

© Copyright 2010 by Nick Cato