Archive for Dr. Phibes


Posted in 2013, Johnny Depp Movies, Quick Cuts, TV Shows with tags , , , , , , on July 26, 2013 by knifefighter

Featuring: Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares, Kelly Laymon, Paul McMahon, and Colleen Wanglund.

MICHAEL ARRUDA:  Welcome everyone to the latest edition of QUICK CUTS.

We just suffered through—er, watched—THE LONE RANGER, which featured Johnny Depp as Tonto; this following upon the heels of his playing Barnabas Collins.  So, here’s this week’s QUICK CUTS question:  Who’s the next TV or movie icon that Depp will play? 

KELLY LAYMON:  The only answer is, “The character who wears the craziest costume!” 

ARRUDA:  Liberace?

L.L.SOARES:  How about Lady Gaga?

LAYMON:  I smell a remake of THE ADDAMS FAMILY with Depp as Gomez.  And, as with every other Johnny Depp film for the last decade, I’ll skip it. 

Will Johnny play Gomez Addams??

Will Johnny play Gomez Addams??

ARRUDA:  You and a lot of other people.

LAYMON:  But he could do a remake of HAVE GUN – WILL TRAVEL or THE BRADY BUNCH and I wouldn’t blink an eye as I buy a ticket to the latest “Vince Vaughn Is A Cool Boozy Guy, Man” flick.

ARRUDA:  I pegged him in a BRADY BUNCH remake.

Yep, THE BRADY BUNCH is coming to the big screen, starring Jim Carrey as Mike Brady, Cameran Diaz as Carol Brady, Ellen DeGeneres as Alice, and Johnny Depp will play Alice’s boyfriend Sam. 

With Depp playing Sam, the story of the Brady household will now be told through his perspective.

“With their parents working all the time, it was almost as if Alice and I were second parents to those kids—.” 


SOARES: Wouldn’t it be more of a challenge for Depp to play Alice, the true heroine of the series? Alice is the glue that keeps the family together, and it’s exactly the kind of odd character role that Depp would jump at. But he would demand that Alice be the main character and the Brady family be supporting characters.

ARRUDA: Depp would make a great Alice.

Who would Johnny Depp play in a new BRADY BUNCH reboot? Alice? Sam the Butcher? Or Cindy?

Who would Johnny Depp play in a new BRADY BUNCH reboot? Alice? Sam the Butcher? Or Cindy?

PAUL MCMAHON:  Let’s jump ahead a couple of years.  Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are about to announce plans to make a feature film reboot of the 70’s TV show WELCOME BACK, KOTTER.

SOARES:  Ugh! I hate the Sweathogs!

MCMAHON:  As an added thrill for fans, he and director Tim Burton are planning to use only two actors to complete the picture. Depp will be using CGI and makeup effects to play the Sweathogs: Vinnie Barbarino, Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington, Juan Epstein, and Arnold Horshack. He will also be portraying the loveable Mr. Gabe Kotter.

Would Johnny Depp play Mr. Cotter, just to teach us a lesson?

Would Johnny Depp play Mr. Kotter, just to teach us a lesson?

The pair is trying to interest Helena Bonham Carter to take on the roles of Mrs. Julie Kotter, Rosalie “Hotsie” Totsie, a feminized version of Cavelli, the Sweathogs nemesis, and Mr. Michael Woodman, Vice Principal.

SOARES: Martin Landau would make a great Mr. Woodman.

ARRUDA:  Why involve Carter?  Depp could play all the roles!

SOARES: Why not a movie where Johnny Depp and Eddie Murphy compete to see who can play more wacky characters?

MCMAHON:  It is noted that theaters are already experiencing a massive rush of patrons who are NOT buying tickets for this feature

L.L. SOARES:  Well, I think this one’s a no-brainer. Johnny Depp could play Yoda in the upcoming reboot of STAR WARS. They could use CGI to shrink him and give him little stumpy arms and legs, and he would relish the chance to deliver his lines in Yoda-speak. I can’t think of a better role for him to make his own!

"Play me, Johnny Depp might!"

“Play me, Johnny Depp might!”

COLLEEN WANGLUND:  Rumor has it that Johnny Depp will be playing Dr. Phibes in Tim Burton’s remake of the 1971 classic starring Vincent Price.  All I have to say is WHY?!

ARRUDA:  I hope that’s not true.  On the other hand, since Dr. Phibes was high camp to begin with, it might be a good fit for Depp.

MCMAHON:  Tell me you’re not serious.

ARRUDA:  I actually like Johnny Depp.  I just haven’t liked his recent roles.

SOARES: Same here.

ARRUDA: Okay, to finish things off, I have a couple more.

In the new film version of THE MUNSTERS, Johnny Depp has signed on to play Grandpa, with Helena Bonham Carter as Lily, and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Herman.

Johnny Depp play Granpa Munster? You must be batty! Then again, he did already ruin Barnabas Collins!

Johnny Depp play Granpa Munster? You must be batty! Then again, he did already ruin Barnabas Collins!

And last but not least, in the latest re-imagining of TV’s LOST IN SPACE, Johnny Depp has signed on to play the Robinson Robot using CGI technology to morph his entire body into the shape of the Robot.

SOARES: With Lady Gaga as Judy!

ARRUDA: That  I’d pay to see!

That’s it for now. Thanks for joining us everybody, and let’s hope that none of our re-imaginings tonight come true!


© Copyright 2013 by Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares, Kelly Laymon, Paul McMahon and Colleen Wanglund


CKF Monstrous Question: MONSTER MOVIE MUSICALS (Part 3 of 3)

Posted in 2012, LL Soares Reviews, Mad Doctors!, Mark Onspaugh Columns, Monsters, Monstrous Question, Musicals with tags , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by knifefighter

MONSTROUS QUESTION:  Monster Movie Musicals
With Michael Arruda, Nick Cato, Paul McMahon, and Mark Onspaugh
Part 3 of 3



MICHAEL ARRUDA:  And now here is our final answer to this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION: Which horror or sci-fi movie would you like turned into a musical?


MARK ONSPAUGH:  Here’s mine:


Music by Bernard Herrmann & Howard Shore

Lyrics by Forrest J. Ackerman & Sir Elton John

At the annual meeting of the Society of Mad Scientists and Doctors, chaos and hilarity ensue when several doctors collaborate on building Eliza (the “perfect” girl) and they all fall for her, to the chagrin of their creations and hunchbacked assistants.

The big, lavish and deranged production that will have you tapping your misshapen appendages to these hit numbers:

Andre Delambre sings “If I Were a Fly on the Wall” and “Kiss Me, Don’t Swat Me”

Andre Delambre sings “If I Were a Fly on the Wall.”

Victor Frankenstein sings “He’s Got Her Heart, but I’ve Got Her Pancreas”

Teenage Frankenstein & Werewolf sing “Pubescent and Present” and “A-C-N-E”

Anton Phibes & Peyton Westlake sing “I Like Your Face” and “Ow, Ow, Ow”

Dr. Phibes accompanies the singers on the organ.

Alexander Thorkel sings “Call Me ‘Mister Big'” and “Got a Big Crush on My Little Girl”

Fritz, Igor and Renfield sing “I Got a Hunch He’s Falling in Love” and “Yes, Master”

Eliza sings “Parts of Me Love Him, Parts of Me Love Someone Else” and “(Screams)”

Gerald Deemer & Andre Delambre sing “Web of Lies” and “She Says Two Legs is Enough”

Victor Frankenstein sings “He’s Got Her Heart, but I’ve Got Her Pancreas.”

The entire company sings, “Got Me in Stitches,” “My Love Went to Pieces at the Buffet,”  “Candlelight, Good – Torch Light, Bad” and “I Can’t Stay Mad Playing Doctor with You”

Held over, one week at Big Boy Dinner Theater in Oxide, Nevada and Stuckey’s Roadside Praline Emporium and Theater-in-the-Swamp in Mustyodor, Georgia


 MICHAEL ARRUDA:  There you have it.  Thanks everyone for joining us for this month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION.  We’ll see you next time, here at CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT!



Answer © Copyright 2012 by Mark Onspaugh

Monstrous Question: BEST MAD SCIENTIST MOVIE? (2 of 6)

Posted in 1930s Horror, 2011, LL Soares Reviews, Mad Doctors!, Monstrous Question with tags , , , , , , on July 30, 2011 by knifefighter

(Part 2 of 6)
Monstrous Question created by Michael Arruda

This month’s MONSTROUS QUESTION comes to us courtesy of our good friend Pete Dudar.

PETE:  Okay, so what’s the best ‘mad scientist’ movie? Is it FRANKENSTEIN? RE-ANIMATOR? THE FLY? We fans want to know.


Our panel answers:


Well, it’s pretty obvious that Dr. Frankenstein is the archetype that everyone looks to for inspiration, daring to play God and bring the dead to life. But he’s often overshadowed by his monster (unless it’s a Hammer film starring Peter Cushing as Victor Frankenstein).

Mad scientists are a lot like Pringles. It’s hard to pick just one.

One of my favorites is Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs) from the RE-ANIMATOR movies. He’s easily the coolest mad scientist of all time, and he’s pretty obsessed with his mission to reanimate the dead using giant syringes of glowing green fluid. A case could also be made for Coffin Joe (Joe Mojica Marins) being a kind of scientist. In his films, such as 1964’s AT MIDNIGHT I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL, he is trying to find the perfect mate, and subjects candidates to horrible “tests” to prove their worthiness. In this way, he’s kind of a do-it-yourself geneticist.

But the absolute BEST? Not a matter of preference, but the Definitive Mad Doctor movie? For me, it’s a three-way tie. And they have a common link – they were all derived from classic novels!

FRANKENSTEIN (1931) – the granddaddy of them all – Colin Clive as Dr. Henry Frankenstein creates a body stitched together from various parts of corpses and then brings it to life as the nameless monster (Boris Karloff). As atmospheric and filled with dread as it ever was. One of the monumental classics of the genre. Based on the novel “Frankenstein, or a Modern Prometheus” by Mary Shelley (of course!)

DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE (1931) When Dr. Henry Jekyll creates a potion that unlocks the darker elements of his psyche, he becomes violent madman Edward Hyde. Probably my all-time favorite mad scientist film, starring the great Fredric March in the dual role. Based on the novel “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson.

ISLAND OF LOST SOULS (1932) Dr. Moreau (Charles Laughton) performs horrible experiments on his private island, trying to transform animals into humans, using painful surgery. Perhaps the most sadistic of all the fictional mad scientists, Moreau yields mixed results for all his bloody experimentation, and his creations eventually turn against him and kill him for his “crimes against nature.  ” Based on the classic novel “The Island of Dr. Moreau” by H.  G. Wells.

Honorable Mentions go to:

– Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs) who seeks to re-animate the dead in RE-ANIMATOR (1985), as well as BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990) and BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR (2003) – the first one is by far the best, but the sequels are fun, too. And,

– Dr. Anton Phibes (Vincent Price) who devises ingenuous ways to kill his enemies based on the nine Biblical Plagues in THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES (1971)  and more themed murders, this time in Egypt, in DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN (1972)


© Copyright 2011 by LL Soares